BOYS WILL BE BOYS???

OR WILL THEY???????

Hi friend!!

Thank you once again for joining me. The past four weeks have been amazing and I thank you all for your support. First of all, apologies for not posting last week. I had some minor technical difficulties. received quite a number of topics that you people want to be featured on story time. Today is the first of many. I also have an interesting update to the blog so stay tuned. Keep reading and you will find it somewhere in the middle of this piece.

So for those who know me and have interacted with me, you know I am very chatty some call it talkative but hey, its my blog, my rules. Today we go with chatty. I am always telling stories about my experiences in Nairobi and today will be no different. Ok, I know I don’t technically live in Nairobi but I kinda do. It may elicit certain reactions but still, lets keep an open mind. The opinions in this piece are solely those of the writer and not public opinion. They are based on my own experience in this city as well as those of some people around me.

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Let’s talk about the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality. Shall we? Let me give you a simple definition; boys will be boys is used to express the view that mischievous or childish behavior is typical of boys or young men and should not cause surprise when it occurs. So now, simply based on that definition, should we really let boys be boys?

For the ladies reading this, have you ever walked along a Nairobi street especially downtown and someone makes a perverted comment about your body or your dressing? Have you ever been spanked by one of those rogue conductors or ‘kamagiras‘? Have you ever been groped by a stranger along the streets? Have you ever been in a matatu or shopping mart line and some creepy man just comes too close that you could feel him breathe on your neck? I could list so many things here but I don’t want to make this too long. How did you respond or react? For the men reading this, have you ever witnessed such? If so, what was your response or reaction?

The most important question also is; what was the reaction of those around you?

All or most of these incidences have happened to me at least once or twice or a couple of times in Nairobi. At one point I even hit one of them and was hit with a slap. #laughs in premium tears. In my case, the people around did not seem to be shocked at all. Most people,especially women, go like; “aki pole madam.”Most men on the other hand go like, “ah madam, pole hawa wanakuanga hivyo.”If that response does not offend you or make you feel some type of way, you are one of the problems I am trying to address here so take your cup of tea, grab a stool and sit down and listen.

So if it is a normal trend, why make a fuss about it? Here is the thing. It is not normal and it should not be normalized. I know nowadays we want to normalize everything but please, this is not one of them. The boys will be boys mentality is endemic and honestly, quite a shallow justification for stupidity and immoral behavior. The boys will be boys mentality is not a cool trend, it makes you look stupid and uncultured. Ndio hiyo nimesema si mnichape basi.

This mentality is used to justify certain vices like spanking, groping, cat calling, unconsented touching, cheating, violence and so many things that I cannot mention because I am on limited space with this blog. In this case, the perpetrator is not the only offender but even those who stand and watch and those who tell us “ni mwanaume wachana na yeye.” You are the justifier of the vices and an enabler in that regard. In essence, we are simply setting the bar too low for the boychild and you should teach your sons, brothers, uncles, fathers, friends, boyfriends and husbands better. Teach them not to condone certain actions and not to enable the perpetrators.

Its time to stop using this slogan to justify uncouth behavior of men. Men should be decent and cultured and conduct themselves gracefully. Such standards should not only be for our ladies. Maybe one time I should try spank or grope a man in town and say, “girls will be girls.” Nitapepetwa kupepetwa. I will be told how I am not a good woman and I am uncultured and my mama has not aught me well.

We are used to telling the girls, ‘behave like a lady.’ Why not use the same standard for the men and tell the boys to behave like gentlemen? Summarily, boys will not be boys. Boys will be held accountable for their actions.

Thank you for reading. So now, the announcement. I am introducing a guest column. I have had a few friends who are shy writers ask me to feature their pieces here and well, I will do just that. So if you are reading this and have a story to share. Legal, story time, life or otherwise, feel free to reach out on my email effieatieno8@gmail.com.

Looking forward to reading and featuring your stories. Adios mates.